>Dear Knitmaster 700,
all I wanted you to do was to knit a scarf. It wasn’t too much to ask was it?
For a while you co-operated, you managed to knit nearly 350 rows in houndstooth double jacquard, you know, that thing I’ve been trying to coax you into doing for a while. I really thought you’d got it sussed.
But no. You decided you weren’t going to let me finish my houndstooth scarf. You sneakily dropped a couple of stitches, knowing full well that I would have no chance of picking them up again.
So that was half a scarf – not much use to me.
Then I thought I’d make it a bit easier for you and asked you to knit me just a plain scarf in fisherman’s rib. I went through the instructions with you so you’d know exactly what to do but no, stubborn thing that you are, you just wouldn’t play the game would you?
I tried to make it even easier and cast on for a 1×1 rib scarf. This was your sneakiest trick yet. You dropped a stitch when I was casting on but concealed this fact from me until I had knitted about a dozen rows. That’s when I noticed the big hole. So you got your own way – I didn’t knit the 1×1 rib scarf.
I was determined though and decided you would knit a double rib scarf.
So 6 hours after I started knitting I had a scarf. It’s not as long as I would have liked as quite a bit of the wool was still knitted up into half a houndstooth scarf and I didn’t have time to unpick it. So the only way I can wear the double rib scarf is as a neckwarmer.
But I don’t care because I’ve got something to tell you, Knitmaster 700. I wanted the scarf for in the morning when I’m riding my bike to work at half past five. That’s right, I’m working again which means I can start saving up again. Do you know what I’m saving up for? A new knitting machine. Did you hear that, Knitmaster 700? A brand new knitting machine.
Not so clever now are you? You’ve only got yourself to blame, I’ve warned you plenty of times but you still do exactly what you want to do. Well, that’s it, this time you’ve blown it – I hope you’re pleased with yourself.